1) Snuffleupugus – sheer bulk and size, the entire back-line could have an easy ride on this monster – the beast hasn’t got anything on this guy.

2) Miss Piggy – all the essential skills for playing hooker and packs plenty of aggression and punch.

3) Sweetums – Can eat more KFC then Afoa and Tialata combined.

4) Sam the Eagle – If you want some-one who can raise above the line-out with authority it’s Sam the Eagle, will bring much needed discipline to the forward pack. No injustices or sneaky tricks from opposition forward packs will get past his eagle-eye either…

5) Big Bird – Again with the aerial superiority theme – and don’t those hoops on his legs make him easy to lift in the line-out?? No more trouble getting our own ball in the lineout this year!!

6) Bert – While combinations have been lacking it the loose forward trio why not fix it by bringing in children’s TV favorite couple Bert and Ernie. Apparently neither of them have any trouble in playing the left or the right hand side of the field either – it’s a vital skill that the cartel look for in a loose forward these days don’t you know.

7) Animal – Sheer aggression and an unparalleled work-rate means that this man is a shoe-in to replace Ritchie McCaw. A frenzy of activity in the rucks and not afraid to give things a bash makes him the ideal open-side. Also played well for 30 minutes against some hapless rabble of a team not even in the top 10 world rankings that gets flayed by all and sundry on a regular basis, so clearly much better than Latimer.

8) Ernie – Again see write-up for Bert, no problems with left or right, or taking it hard off the back don’t you know, yes it’s all about being versatile these days.

9) Fozzie Bear – Well with the form of Cowan and Leonard and the consistent joke it is to have Weepu on the bench why not put one of the great comedian’s in there anyway. It’s fitting that the All Blacks have a comedy act starting off the back-line Wocka, wocka, wocka!

10) Kermit the Frog – Well he’s certainly used to leading the show and when the pressure’s on he puts his hands in the air, waves them about frantically and yells ARRRRGGGAHHHHHH while running around in circles – just like McAlister and Donald do…

11) Rowlf the Dog – Whilst people may question whether his best days are past him – there’s never been any doubt that this guy can play.

12) Cookie Monster – Big and greedy for the ball, certainly once he gets his hands on it there’s no chance that the opposition will, nor his team mates either who have to feed off the crumbs of possession that he leaves behind.

13) Gonzo – There’s little difference between him and Toeava anyway…

14) Scooter – Well the name says it all, if your after some-one with pace to top things off for the night he’s your man.

15) The Swedish Chef – A man with a lifetime of cooking things up from the back there’s no better suited to fullback than the Swedish Chef. While his vision might be limited he makes up for it with panache and style.

The coaching panel to consist of Oscar the Grouch and Statler and Waldorf, the two old cronies yelling abuse from the terraces…