Not much there for the Steamer Mafia to break out the tissues for, in either sense. In happiness, Michael “Jesus” Delany and Luke “Jesus” Braid have made the squad in spite of their lack of Waikato experience. And of course in sadness, the Sione “That Useless ****” Lazyake as Captain decision is a significant roadblock for their beloved Colin “Jesus” Bourk. A farking huge roadblock really, one that would stop a Kenworth dead... Much like the question of how the hell, if you are Messam or Latimer, you take Sione seriously in the half-time pep-talk. Especially when he’s probably not going to be there in playing kit, injured for the umpteenth time...

Anyway, enough of trying to understand Foster’ s (Ferrit’ s) thinking – that’s an oxymoron that defies all – let’s have a look at the Chiefs.

Tighthead will be occupied by James McGooghan. McGougin did have an excellent 2009 and it would be strange for him (McGouchen) not to be seen blasting opponents out of his way. His back ups are to be Nathan White and Ben Afeaki, so no worries there apart from getting around the park maybe. The Hookers, Waikato’s Aled de Malmanche and The Bay’s contribution Hika Elliot; Both “fringe” All Blacks, although ADM clearly holds the upper hand for now since he was more recently called up. Main concern for both of the ho’s is getting their lineout sorted and keeping it going. Rounding out the front row, ahem, Taumalolo should have an easy claim for the 1 jersey, with only the utility aspect of Aled de Malmanche to contend with.

Next up, locks – The Naki’s Craig Clarke is back, so is Waikato’s Kevin “1 Cap” O’Neill and Romana Graham, along with Steamer Culum Retallick. I think Craig Clarke will get his name down first, and whoever plays best in the pre-season beside him will get the nod. One thing they will have is height, which Graham has the most of.

Which will be handy since Latimer and Messam aren’t really line-out targets, and if anyone thinks Sione will be lifted, please refer to the Kenworth comparison above. Bench options for the loosies have the aforementioned Braid and Burke along with another Naki-ite, Hoeata, for Foster to choose from.

At halfback, the bald and oft-broken Brendon Leonard is first choice, with Junior Polysyllable as understudy. Fortunately David Bason has left to get some cash, so we’ll be without his contributions this season.

For the first time in a long time there will be competition for the first-five jersey at the Chiefs. Luckily one of the contestants is a Waikato man, so I feel sure that Stephen “Everybody hates me” Donald will prevail against Delany of the Steamers. Outside these two, the midfield should belong to top-flight Super Rugby player Callum Bruce at 12 and the brilliant but fragile Richard Kahui at 13, but who knows if we’ll see a shuffle of Donald to 12 if Delany does manage a miracle? Not me. I hope not anyway, because Bruce was excellent last year for the Chiefs, and Donald was sh*t for the All Blacks there...

Backing up the Richard Kahui area, a vitally important position, is fan favourite backline utility Dwayne Sweeney, who has the ability to ably cover both centre positions both wings as well. Look for him as first name on the bench list. Pitching in as the other midfield cover is Jackson Willison, who must be due to start living up to the promising signs he shows at Waikato.

Out wide, an area in which the Chiefs have often had the better of any team, All Blacks stars Mils Muliaina and Sitiveni Sivivatu share the spotlight with the one-cap AB Lelia Masaga, a combination which Chiefs followers will be excited to see again. Backing up, Tim Nanai-Williams is not only destined to be referred to as TNW but also to have a tough job should any of the big guns fall silent.

Finishing 2nd last year hopefully means the Chiefs now have the belief that they can go one further this year. Personally I get the feeling it isn’t to be, but that doesn’t mean much, I’m usually wrong. Roll on the Super 14 and let’s find out already!