How to pull a bunny out of a hat…

Rummage around inside the hat for 70 minutes apparently getting no closer to the bunny, just as the crowd starts to leave, pull half a bunny out.  As the crowd proceeds to clap fall over and toss the hat into the air, causing bunny the hide back inside hat, stumble forward in full length dive to vigorously shake hat causing bunny to tumble out – the crowd boos and throws pitchers of beer at you…Welcome ladies and gentleman to the beginning of the Chiefs season.

I must admit that I actually didn’t get up to watch this game as of course it was Valentines day and getting up at 6 in the morning to stumble around for the rest of the day with one’s beloved is never a good idea.  Either that or my logical mind taking into account the Chiefs starting record coming to the conclusion that they had as much chance as the Polish Cavalry did against the German Panzers back in 1939 and it wouldn’t be worth it…but I digress.

Sweeny was out of the starting line-up (the Chiefs version of Polish Calvary) and was remarkably replaced on the wing by some-one with speed and talent in Nanai- Williams and thus begun one of the more engrossing affairs, engrossing in much the same way as watching a car-crash in slow motion is engrossing, or Polish Calvary charge German Panzers, or Dwayne Sweeny take on an organized defensive line, or Donald attempt a clearing kick under pressure from his own 22…

It was a remarkable game in that nothing appeared to happen for 70 minutes barring both teams kicking the ball at each other backwards and forwards in the wet.  The Sharks appeared to be the only team in the S14 that didn’t get the memo on how the new laws were being interpreted and amazingly enough went about making the same mistakes and getting penalized for them time and time.  Incredibly this continued through-out the game no matter how nicely that smarmy git John Smit talked to the ref.

Unfortunately the Chiefs couldn’t turn this to their advantage with a struggling back-line in the wet and a stuttering boot from Donald they conspired to leak penalties from the wrong end of the field and let Kockett kick the Sharks to a 15-9 lead.

Getting into the 74th minute I actually began to wonder how on earth the Chiefs managed to win the game, then it all became apparent – Leonard was subbed off!!  The Chiefs finally managed to have a halfback that could make his way to the back of a ruck and employ his opposable thumbs to grip and pass the ball instead of bashing and rolling the ball along the ground like some spastic over-excited golden lab with poor ball/mouth co-ordination!!  It was fitting how-ever that the best display of handling in the sodden rain filled 80 minutes resulted in the games only try to, you would think, win the game for the Chiefs.

Then we entered into the twilight zone, all the Chiefs needed to do to win the game was secure possession off the kick off, stick the ball under the jumper and play out time.  Could they do it??  No, in fact couldn’t even do it for 5 seconds as Kahui “not so brightly” impeded the chaser and gave away a penalty to of course a goal-kicker with a 100% record.  So 18-16 to the Sharks, all the Sharks needed to do to win the game was secure possession off the kick off, stick the ball under the jumper and play out time.  Could they do it??  Well they fared better than the Chiefs in that they managed to stretch it out from 5 seconds to about 15 but no Jannie Du Plessis heroically decided to cart the ball up with-out any support and turned the ball over.  This was of course coming from the same chap that got penalized twice for not obeying the “touch” instruction in the “Crouch, touch, pause, engage” part of the scrum.  I mean “touch” - it’s not really that difficult is it??  We all know what that word means??  I foresee accuracy session for the Sharks front-rowers in getting the engagement sequence right and which touching is good touching and which touching is bad…but I digress…

Anyway Donald lined up the kick in the final play of the game, he approached, he kicked, the ball sailed merrily through the posts, the Chiefs played leapt in delight, the Sharks supporters threw pitchers of beer in distain and the Chiefs had pulled a bunny out of the hat.  A remarkable game, quite remarkable…